The Right to Choose

I find it hard to believe that we're at this road again. The road where one must turn left or right, picking sides on the abortion debate. I personally thought this topic would never again be so heated and create so much controversy. But here it is, rearing it's ugly head from every corner of Facebook and every propaganda-driven email. Personally, I try to avoid entering into this topic of discussion online to spare myself of any future family feuds, hate emails, etc. So while I'll omit the details of my opinion, I would like to share with you the opinion of a friend of mine. The woman below, Reina, is just that: a woman. This topic means something very intimate to her because of her anatomy. This she did not choose. She is also a mother. Her motherhood, on the other hand, is something she did choose.  Below is a post I borrowed from her Facebook page that I think is very worthy of being shared.

From Reina:

"Did I ever show you guys this? I think it's kind of important. . . This is me at 22 years old, in labor with my daughter Lola. Look at the terror on that person's face. Her body was vibrating with contractions and extreme uncertainty, listening to her midwife, trying very hard not to scream and run away from everything. I think this was the first moment that I really truly realized what was aboutto happen to me. I know that sounds so incredibly immature, and I was... Man, I was the worst. The second picture is the first time i really, honestly touched my daughter with serious intent. Look at that face... I am devastated, I am so beyond moved, and terrified, and in love, and TERRIFIED. 

My heart literally shattered into five million pieces.

What I am trying to say here.. Is that when I had Lola, I was selfish enough that, while I was so incredibly happy to welcome her into this world, I was also so saddened by the end of my own life, that it took me a while to truly understand what had happened. That this person ruined me, tore me down, wrecked everything I had worked so hard to become, but thank God. Because that person was kinda awful. My life was a shit show, and she came bursting into this world and shattered it all, only to rebuild me into someone who I am insanely proud to be. To say that she saved my life is by far, the understatement of the year. Everything that she is, is everything I always wanted to be. She constantly challenges every fiber of my being, to be more, want more, live more, breathe more. 

The beautiful part is that I had the right to choose this. That deep down inside, I knew that I had the ability and support to pull myself together, and rock the shit out of motherhood. But, not everyone has the ability to do this, and their circumstances are not as cushy, and beautiful as mine. Every woman on this planet has a right to make this choice depending on their own life, and divine purpose. The only person who Can make this decision, is the woman it is happening to. And it is her right to make that decision, without anyone else butting in and giving their opinion. There.. And that, my friends, ends my serious run for the day. Back to our regular scheduled fun times."

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain

The news of a young person dieing is never the type of news you want. Hearing the passing of anyone is difficult, however to know a life is ending that has barley begun is especially heart breaking. It makes our own death seem much more inevitable. My heart is aching even more so today because the news I received just days ago was that this young life taken was a friend of mine. He was just 28 years old.

Robert Cameron III, Bob to me, was someone I always thought fondly of and considered a dear old friend. Friends since I was 12 and he was 13, I was always greeted with an enormous hug. I remember telling Bob specifically one day as we stood in the hallway of our overcrowded High School, me in my cheerleading uniform and him wearing sneakers, jeans, a t-shirt and hat (as usual) that he was my favorite hugger. He was the perfect height and our arms wrapped around one another's bodies as if filling a puzzle. We had a friend take a picture of us hugging right then. He was warm, kind, and someone I honestly cared for. Had I known I'd lose him 10 years later I would have kept better track of that photo. Right now I'm trying to figure out where it is...maybe in a box at my Mom's with all my other High School memories? I'm beating myself up now. A personality like Bob's can't be described by memories in a box. He's far too special.

Bob and I spent many days after school driving around with my sister and our friends, doing what kids do. My mom always welcomed him into our home. He was a nice kid with a vibrant sense of humor. Personally I think she was especially fond of him because of his red hair, being a natural red head herself.

To be clear, everyone loved Bob. The fact of the matter was that if you knew him, you loved him. Teachers, friends, parents...He was just that kind of person.

After moving away from our hometown in 2007 I hadn't had much contact with Bob other than facebook. The last time I spent significant time with him was New Years Eve in 2005 or 2006 when a large group of us rang in the New Year at his parents house in Chalfont, PA. It saddens me that I let him slip away.

Even now, going back home, so out of touch with everyone I knew growing up, I know that if I saw him I'd be greeted with "Byelich!" (Though my last name is now Stewart), and it'd quickly be followed by that warm familiar hug. When visiting home, if I was lucky enough to bump into him, this greeting was pretty much always the same. He'd talk to me like we hadn't skipped a beat. His friendship was consistent, unwavering, true, and long.

I've lost a lot of friends over the years, each one far to early and time and time again we say it's unfair: John Truman, Tristan Dailey, Brain Dostal, Bryan "Hollywood" Yeshion, Kelly Riegel, Justin Decker, Sean Stuter and so many others.

Remembering these people, along with others the world has lost, reminds me to live each day as if it may be my last. To tell people I love them, enjoy the time we have, take risks, have fun, laugh loudly, love whole-heartedly, be kind, live with purpose and most importantly be happy.

Although I'm not exactly sure what I believe...your soul may be recycled or maybe you've reached your final destination. I do know that you made an impact on this world, possibly more than you'll ever know, and are truly missed. My heart goes out to your families and loved ones.

Robert G. Cameron III (1983-2011)

But He's Got a Five-Year Plan....

I recently read an article in Self Magazine about how planning life goals can be rewarding and enriching. It can also be depressing if you tend not to actually reach your goals. The trick is to set your sites on things that are challenging yet attainable. Author Erin Zammett Ruddy suggests an easy exercise in her article that will help flesh out realistic and positive achievements you'd like to reach. I'm using this post as a way to complete this exercise and hold myself accountable.

First, jot down 5 past accomplishments you're proud of. Remembering these triumphs will make you feel confident and more likely to pursue future, and potentially more challenging, goals.

1)Graduate from college. Not only did I accomplish this but my overall GPA for my four years at Temple University was a 3.5. Not to shabby.

2) Work at a major publication. After getting my journalism degree I desperately wanted a taste of the magazine publishing world. My 6-month internship at Redbook satisfied that hunger and gave me experiences I never could have received elsewhere. I'm proud to have been published in the magazine during that time and met some amazing women!

3)Do something positive for my community. I am active in local fundraisers and charities and plan to always be. I'm currently on the Executive Leadership Committee for our local AHA Heart Walk.

4)Get my Master's Degree. Dunzo. Summa Cum Laude from Lock Haven University.

5)Maintain a happy and healthy life with someone I love. I'm fortunate to have married by best friend. We live an active and healthy life and value each other tremendously.


The second part of the exercise is all about brainstorming. I have to admit that brainstorming is one of my favorite things to do. What other productive task can you do at any hour of the day in any situation? Whether it's during your morning jog, sipping on a glass of Old Vine Zinfandel, doing sun salutations in your back hard, sitting with a co-worker or laying in bed- there are endless opportunities to get your wheels turning. Ruddy suggests setting a stopwatch for 10 minutes and listing everything you want to accomplish in your lifetime. That could be a loooong list. But regardless of how ridiculous some of the things may seem WRITE THEM DOWN. If you are having trouble getting past line 1 you can ask yourself 3 questions: Is there anything I've left unfinished that I'd like to complete? Are there classes I'd like to take or skills I'd like to learn? Are there ways I can give back to others?

Timer set. Go.

Write a book about gender in the media
Write a memoir about a personal experience
Teach at the university level
Learn Spanish
Re-learn French
Take a 2 month tour of europe
Spend a few weeks in Asia
Scratch the above two, I want to travel EVERYWHERE
Run a marathon
Have a child
Adopt a child
Run an Animal Rescue
Create a local chapter for the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition
Ride a wheelie on a sportbike (for those of you that don't know I ride motorcycles)
Own a vacation home in Asheville, NC
Write a semi-famous blog
Be published in a national publication again
Read more
Buy my older sister a car
Have a garden without killing it
Become a yoga instructor
Complete a triathalon
Own a boat
Attend Le Mans


Wow, that's quite a list! You can tell I've been thinking about these things for a long time. Ruddy then suggests scaling it back to a five-year plan. To do this she recommends picturing yourself in five years. Which items would you regret not having completed by then? Once you've cut it back a bit it's time to dissect those that made the cut and determine if they are something you want for yourself or goals others want for you. Understand the motivation behind your planned achievements and how they will affect your life.

My 5-year List:

Write a memoir about a personal experience
Learn Spanish
Re-learn French
Travel more internationally
Run a marathon
Have a child
Adopt a child
Be an integral part of an Animal Rescue
Help create a local chapter for the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition
Write a popular blog
Be published in a national publication again
Read more
Have a garden without killing it
Complete a triathalon
Own a boat
Attend Le Mans

Now that I have my list it's time to put it into action. In order to reach the bigger goals I need to set mini goals to help me attain them and keep me motivated. For example, if my goal is to write a popular blog, then a mini goal should be to research and blog at least once a week. It will help me be creative, hone my skills and acheive more followers. If my goal is to be an integral part if an animal rescue I can set a mini goal of volunteering at one. I can learn the ropes and feel proud of the selfless work I'm doing. Achieving each milestone will fuel my desire to keep going.

Planning can be a daunting task but on the same token it can be exciting and realistic. Now that I've put all these out there I'll need you all to keep me on track! Happy planning!

A Work-Life Balance

I hear myself using this phrase more and more everyday. Thanks to my good friend Emily, I've realized that having a balance between work and life is crucial to one's happiness and overall well-being. Of course, I already knew this, but was too wrapped up in trying to succeed to realize I had been neglecting to apply it in my own life.
Working 6 days a week, 10 to 12-hour days, and working through lunch have left both my husband and myself exhausted and somewhat absent from our personal lives. But we're working toward our goals. First, to finish paying for the wedding and eventually buy a new (well, slightly used) car. We'd also like to make sure we're comfortable enough to be able to start a family. But at the rate we're going, will a family even be possible?

Will our family be able to work when Mom gets home at 8pm, irritable because she didn't get to go to the gym that day, and forced to pack making dinner and chores into 2 hours? Will our family be happy when Daddy gets home at 9pm after being elbow-deep in an engine all evening? Exhausted and filthy he has to eat quickly in order to shower and be in bed by 11pm, only to wake up and do it all over again the next day.
That doesn't sound like a happy or healthy family life to me.

So what do we do to change it?

There's been a lot of talk recently about having a baby. We bring it up, our friends and family bring it up...and it's something we desperately want. Still, I can't see myself having a child and working the way we do now. How do others handle it? Sure, I could work less, perform worse at my job, make less money, and be home more. But how does that benefit us financially? If I result to that is raising a family even something we can afford?

But we love our jobs, and we're thankful for the opportunity to succeed! We both recently have been presented with some very good opportunities. Which is why we don't want to give it up. Rather, I'd like to find a way to make it all work. Can we have it all?

I'm really just venting here. I guess I'm using this blog more as a journal. I know it won't give me any divine solutions. It won't magically pay me more so I can work less. But it will allow me to get some things off of my chest on my Sunday morning off, while having coffee on my back patio. This is my first step to a work-life balance.