Friendship 101: Ladies

Recently I've been feeling quite disconnected from the female world. I'm a manager in a male-dominated industry, most of my closest friends are men and I'm into a lot of man hobbies. I'm not a tom-boy, though I'll admit I was when I was a kid. But just because I was a tom-boy doesn't mean I was good at sports (usually the two go hand-in-hand)...cause I'm not. I'm okay.  As a matter if fact I wanted to play football when I was a kid and they told me I couldn't because I was a girl. They recommended cheerleading for football since I liked the sport. So I put on the skirt and picked up the pom-poms and loved it. I found it physically demanding, challenging and fun. I can go on and on about it but I'll save that for another post. This post is dedicated to my relationships with women, and where they began to crumble.

So back to my story:

Even though my regular attire in elementary school was a t-shirt and Umbro shorts with sneakers and my hair in a pony tail, I still loved the rare occasions to get dressed up. I liked looking pretty and I loved the extra attention I got when I did.

I guess my childhood low-maintenance tendencies have stayed with me all of my life. I don't like taking longer than 30 minutes to get ready. If I try on more than 2 outfits I get stressed and will most likely end up sitting on my closet floor overwhelmed (or curled up on my closet floor in the fetal position). If my make-up takes me more than 5 minutes I better be getting ready for a photo shoot and I honestly do not own a brush. I have 1 comb which I usually only need when my hair is wet.  Still, I do love those rare occasions to slip on a tight dress with some nice heels (nice meaning they cost more than $20), curl my hair and spend 10 minutes doing my make up. Just like I did when I was little, I like looking pretty. I just don't like all the work that has to go into it. I never know how to put outfits together and am completely intimidated by trying to figure out accessories. On the rare occasion I do find a complete outfit that works for me, I'll wear it over and over until something gets a stain or a hole and my husband is threatening to burn it. I'm fashionably inept.

So why am I explaining to you my fashion woes? Because it's one of the few things I can come up with for why I don't have many girlfriends.

I have my older sister, who is my closest friend in the world, and about 5 or 6 girlfriends I've had for years that will always be my friends. I met all of these women during different times in my life- they are in no way a "circle." Most women I know have a circle of friends, whether from high school or college, that has remained loyal and intact. I was in one of those once. Several times actually. But somehow I always end up outside of that circle, learning about marriages and babies on Facebook and leaving a comment here or there. We're Facebook friends, not girlfriends.

Currently there are several women in my life that I do consider a group, bunch or circle of friends. They live in the area and we see each other a lot. The weird thing is that we (for the most part) don't call each other with problems, make plans to do things just the 2 of us, make plans to do things as a group....we're just not that "close." Sometimes I feel like I'd never see them if their husband didn't call my husband to make plans. Is it my fault that we don't have that tight girly bond that seems to be so normal and common? I've even read that their are biological and psychological reasons why women hang in groups (like going back to our caveman days to better care for our offspring).  Why am I so different?

Perhaps it's that I never feel completely accepted and therefore to them I don't seem completely available. Or maybe it's because I don't have any interesting drama to bring into the mix. I mean, I have my own personal issues that I would certainly share with a close girlfriend, but I don't have any gossip and I don't talk about people behind their backs. I'm not suggesting that this is all that women do but let's be real- it happens. If anything I like to give my friends the benefit of the doubt and be the rational one. Maybe people don't like rational. Is it that I'm fashionably retarded and always wear the same 6 pairs of shoes?

Regardless of what it is it's there and has been there all my life. I don't really need a solution to it. However,  I would like to know if there's something I can change to better show the women I care about that I value them in my life. I would like to know if there's something that's classifying me as not friend-worthy that I can change.  Why is it I can pal around with the boys and not the girls? Is there some kind of class I can take that'll teach me how to be a more desirable girlfriend? Friendship 101?