I went out on Saturday night and stayed strong while friends had drinks. We talked and laughed and I found it surprisingly easy to keep sipping on water all night long. I almost caved and ordered a glass of wine after dinner while my friends all enjoyed an after dinner drink, but I reminded myself that I wasn't ready to face the challenge of drinking without smoking. The fear of smoking kept me with a full glass of water. We were home and in bed my midnight which was awesome. Doug and I are not strangers to late nights. I hate staying up super late because we inevitably waste the next morning sleeping in. Instead we were up by 8:30, making coffee and taking the dogs for a nice long golf course walk. The day started off wonderfully!
After walking I putzed around the house and then headed into work for a few hours. I actually enjoy working on Sundays because I am able to get a lot done with very few interruptions. I left by 3pm and made it to my friends by 4 to watch football with the gang. We ate some delicious crab legs, salad, bean dip and wings. I think I noshed for 3 hours straight.
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| Kyle, Evie and Rhys during the game |
As the night went on it became increasingly difficult to be the sober one. A few of my friends got drunk and felt the need to tell me that I've been acting "different." With little more explanation than that I tried to suck back my hurt feelings and exit gracefully. Yes, I've been busy. I haven't been coming around as much b/c we've had out-of-town plans on the weekends or I've had other commitments. I also spent a weekend on the sofa/in bed with a rotten cold. I've refused 2 or 3 nights out with friends because I needed to get up early the next morning for marathon training. Dragging Doug away after only 2 beers is a difficult task, and he usually ends up upset with me and telling me I'm no fun. So rather than dealing with disappointing him and being dubbed the "party pooper" I've opted not to go. I still made it out for Mexican with friends 2 weeks ago and hung out both Saturday and Sunday this weekend. So I'm not sure why all the criticism. I'm still me, It's just been a little busy for me lately.
I felt hurt last night and came home and cried. Instead of feeling like I had the support of my friends for doing something healthy I felt the opposite: I'm no fun. I'd like to make it clear that up until the last 20 minutes of the night, when these conversations happened, I was having fun. I was laughing with friends, playing with the kids, yelling at the TV... What I really find odd is that my friend Emily hasn't been drinking either (she's 8 months pregnant) and neither does her mother-in-law who was also hanging out with us. Why is it so interesting that I'm not drinking? Why does it even matter? And it's not like I was broadcasting this fact. I had a beverage in hand all night long to prevent from having to turn an alcoholic one down.
Needless to say I'm feeling discouraged with this challenge. On the ride home my mother-in-law gave me a few words of encouragement. it helped but I still feel like I need the support of my husband and friends. I'm going to keep going because I want to kick my social smoking habit, despite the hurt feeling. Truth is I may be a bit overly emotional right now because in addition to not smoking I'm also PMS-ing. Is that do much info??
Any advice on how to get my friends and family on my team?
